Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My Mother Drives Me Nuts

 Not a very funny post:

I let my daughter spend the weekend camping with her.  BUT I have recently put up boundaries on things.  Boundaries on things with my mom and with my daughter.  My daughter had too much freedom and was hanging with the bad kids.  Mike had told me that I need to be more strict with her.  And I am .  And it is working.  She is much happier.  I developed a plan for my daughter to succeed.  It was necessary!  She is 13 and had to go to court last week for shoplifting.  If she gets in any more trouble, her shoplifting charge sticks with her.  My mom just vomits all over me and my family.  And I let her.  She thinks she is in charge of things in my life and my daughter’s life.

Soooo what happened was: My mom let my daughter drive her van through a tiny town where there are cops patrolling, dogs running loose, and a little event which drew in people and kids.  AND she let her stand on the back of her van while she was driving up a dirt mountain road.  AND she let her walk around town and hang out with these kids that I am keeping her from being around.  Nice huh?
Did I freak?  I tried not to.  I first found out about the driving and back of the van riding.  I was upset and said she cannot do that.  I said she can practice driving on dirt roads way out in the middle of nowhere with no cops around, but not in the middle of a small town.  Also, never can she ride on the back of a van like that.  That is teaching her it is ok to do with friends.  My mom and daughter protested.  They thought I was nuts.  My mom was like, “She needs to learn to drive.”  At 13?  Through a town?  They get their learner’s permit here at15.  There is time!!!  AND she is already in legal trouble.  We are teaching her she has to respect the laws or she will end up with legal troubles all of her life. 

I didn’t even freak out over my mom allowing her around town because I wasn’t aware of the people she was with.  I just said she is not allowed to do it because she is on restrictions and there is no need for her to be mosying around town looking for trouble.

But then, I found out what she did when she was in town.  It’s a long story and not like it was anything terrible.  But there is this one specific family I am keeping her from being around because they are manipulative gypsy types.  I thought they were nice and sweet until I realized it is to cover up for their stealing and other illegal activities.  I believe she picked up her bad behaviors from them.  My daughter was with this family during her hour around town.

So this is when I freaked out!  I called my mom to tell her what my daughter was doing when she was around town.  All my anger and rage over my hard work to protect and raise my daughter with no respect from my mom on the situation came out.  I felt like I am doing everything I can to provide what she needs and then my mom goes and says FUCK IT and does what she wants.  So I just rudely told her what she was doing, and reminded my mom that she CANNOT go around town.  I was also stern with my mom on the phone when she asked why my husband and I are fighting.  I told her I can’t talk about that stuff because I have no privacy and because she doesn’t need to know about all of her fights.

This tipped her over the edge.  She sent me a message on Facebook saying she knows I don’t want her advice but she is going to give it to me anyway because I need to listen to other people’s opinions.  She then went on to say she worries my daughter will run away and I will never see her again because I am being too strict.  I. Could. Not. Believe. It.  Is she serious?  What the hell kind of bullshit is that?
Let me first bitch over the good old, “I know you don’t want my advice but I am giving it to you anyway because you need to listen to other people’s opinions.”  I really feel there is no need for me to even explain how fucked up a statement like that is.  It is self explanatory, right?  Or am I just way off and absolutely crazy?  WHY push your advice on someone that you know is going to piss them off unless you want to piss them off?  Why do I NEED to listen to other people’s opinions?  I have been in therapy for four months to learn how to NOT worry about the opinions of others.

Now this mind fuck of her fearing my daughter will run away.  WHAT?  My daughter still sucks her fingers and has a blankie.  And she is going to run away so far that I never see her again?  What the hell kind of fear and manipulation tactic is that?  We live in the middle of nowhere.  Oh, let me guess.  She will hitchhike to Mexico because I don’t let her hang out with gypsies.  Come the fuck on!

I know what this is.  This is my mom wanting me to fear those boundaries I put up.  She is wanting me to question what I am doing so I can let her weasel her opinions and control back into my life.

Moms out there, what do you think about this?


  1. I will jump in here.
    Yes. Not just Yes...but FUCK YES! That is exactly what your mother is doing.
    and I'm speaking as someone who knows. My own mother is constantly trying to be in our business. Tell me what my kids "should" be doing, not doing...but yet..when I say something she doesn't like she freaks out and does the equivalent of LA LA LA La..with her hands over her ears...seriously damn close.
    You ARE the mom in this situation. Your mom has just proven herself to be unable to respect the rules you have put in place for your daughter (with good reason)...therefore, grannie can only see your kids with supervision.
    I feel you 100% and back you up! Your mama needs to mind her business.
    It's going to be rough though because after 36 yrs of telling you what to do..she isnt going to take kindly to letting you make the decisions in your life.
    And Good Lord! Keep her OUT of your relationship. This was a big problem at my house. Well..no MORE. I put up serious boundaries..now she just stalks me online (hi mom!).. yay me.

    1. THANK YOU! I am so happy to see someone responded and you see my point here! It's so frustrating because I would love for her to be responsible and capable of handling a relationship in a healthy way. Good Lord, I hope I don't do this to my daughter when she is grown!!

    2. Here's the thing...you won't do this to your own daughter if you do right by her in this moment.
      Mine tried. Did her best...but I was largely unsupervised, doing all kinds of glorious things that in all honesty keep me from attending my class reunions because my own teen behavior embarasses me. You are doing the right thing. 1000%..not a typo! Your daughter was going down the wrong road...you stepped in and basically picked her up, showed her YOU are aware. You are still her parent. She isn't a grown up yet...and that you won't allow her to do this to herself.
      That is HUGE. Pat yourself on the back my friend! I read so many blogs that their kids are on the wrong track and all they do is cry and whine about it. They aren't willing to do the hard stuff. The stuff that makes their kids scream "I hate you". I say your not doing it right if they DON'T say that.